How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
