you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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