the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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