I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
