GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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