LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
