I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
