Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
