Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
