i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
