Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
