i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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