Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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