The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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