If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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