Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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