I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
