the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
