dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
