meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just found a bag of teeth...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
