this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
