Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
