why do cheetos always look like penises
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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