you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
