I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had sex on a roof
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
