I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
