i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
