did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
