Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
