Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
