Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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