I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's blow job season.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
