her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
