I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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