Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
