ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
