so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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