Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
