I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
