see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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