i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
