I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize