I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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