why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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