I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
