Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
