You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
