i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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