dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
