You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
