I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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