this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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