Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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