i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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