ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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