I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
