I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
