are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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