Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing