So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.