I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.