john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
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It's just like the Real World with babies
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?