Whod you bang
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
