help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
