i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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