So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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