You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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