shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
