We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
